


Ilunga

by Hayluhalo



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: "What if...", 2018 Stony MCU Bingo, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Post CA:CW, pre infinity war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2019-05-15 04:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14783510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayluhalo/pseuds/Hayluhalo
Summary: After I saw IW, I have been thinking :“What if Tony and Steve met in secret like Vision and Wanda? I bet they totally did that.”And then in the “What if…” Cap_Iron man event page, an ANON said :“...Tony and Steve have been in contact all along before IW, like right after CW and mostly during Homecoming (hence considered for the guest list at Tony’s NBA party) but they still working out their feelings so they meet regularly at different parts of the world (hence why Tony was always busy). During a fight when Steve hints at raising a kid Tony asks him to come home but Steve still disagrees with the Accords, things get ugly and Tony wanting stability gets engaged [poor Pep, collateral damage] and more angst then BOOM Tony wanted a baby suggested it to Pepper and she HESITATED. Tony then rmbrs how easily Steve despite everything genuinely wanted a family w Tony. Cue post IW dusting scene and reunion of Stony.”Yes. YES.So here it is.





	Ilunga

**Author's Note:**

> Ilunga (Bantu): A person who is willing to forgive abuse the first time; tolerate it the second time, but never a third time.
> 
> "Ilunga captures what I’ve described as the shade of gray complexity in marriages—Not abusive marriages, but marriages that involve infidelity, for example. We’ve got tolerance, within reason, and we’ve got gradations of tolerance, and for different reasons. And then, we have our limit. The English language to describe this state of limits and tolerance flattens out the complexity into black and white, or binary code. You put up with it, or you don’t. You “stick it out,” or not.
> 
> Ilunga restores the gray scale, where many of us at least occasionally find ourselves in relationships, trying to love imperfect people who’ve failed us and whom we ourselves have failed." - Pamela Haag from BigThink.
> 
> \------This was written for the "What if..." event and the 2018 STONY MCU Bingo, prompt: ca:cw.-------
> 
> Special thanks to my wonderful beta [forever_jimin](http://insecure.archiveofourown.org/users/forever_jimin/pseuds/forever_jimin).

Tony groaned as the bright morning light assaulted him. Apparently, they forgot to properly close the blinds in last night’s frenzy. Tony squinted his eyes as he tried to decipher the numbers on the wall clock. _6:10 AM, still got time._ In an effort to shield his face from the blinding light, the billionaire turned around, making his bedmate stir in response.

 

“...mmm, what time is it?...” Steve mumbled, his tongue still numb from his slumber. The super-soldier reached blindly towards Tony and pulled the other body against his, nuzzling the tender skin of the smaller man’s neck.

 

“...do you have to go already?” Steve asked carefully, his grip tightening around the slimmer waist. The genius ruffled the blond hair, earning a groan of protest, before rubbing the tip of his nose in the soft locks.

 

“ Still got a bit of time.” Tony let out a surprised yelp as he was suddenly flipped onto his back and pinned down by Steve’s strong frame.

 

“How much time?” Steve asked eagerly. Tony grinned, the blue intensity of Steve’s eyes making his heart flutter. _This never gets old._ Tony thought.

 

“Enough.” That was all the encouragement Steve needed.

 

_____________________________

 

“You know, I think I can’t get any cleaner than this,” Tony huffed as he felt Steve smile against his neck.

 

“Who said this had anything to do with cleaning?” Steve mused, making the genius gasp in a mock shock.

 

“Oh my, captain. Who would have thought!” Tony said, making Steve roll his eyes.

 

“I like to be surprising,” Steve said as he retorted with a light slap on Tony’s left butt cheek, making the smaller man squeal. Tony mumbled unhappily as Steve kissed him apologetically.

 

“Come on. I need to get out, I’m getting more wrinkly than I should be,” The genius said, turning off the water before walking out of the shower and wrapping himself in a fluffy towel. Steve’s strong arms wrapped around him, effectively stopping the drying process.

 

“You are not wrinkly, Tony,” Steve said into the smaller man’s ear, sending a wave of goosebumps down Tony’s neck.

 

“I thought the serum gave you better-than-average vision. I guess I was wrong,” Tony mused, extracting himself from Steve’s embrace before leaving the modest bathroom. Steve joined him in front of the window as Tony was buttoning his dress shirt, captivated by a group of children who were playing together. The soldier hugged the smaller man again and kissed Tony’s temple.

 

“You’re overdressed, ” Steve said. Tony rolled his eyes and quickly glanced over his shoulder.

 

“And you underdressed,” the genius replied before returning his attention to the children outside. They both stared in silence for a moment before Steve whispered softly.

 

“I don’t want you to go.” Tony closed his eyes, suddenly invaded by a conflicting mix of defeat and agitation.

 

“I have to,” Tony said, his voice colder than intended. Steve replied by hugging him harder, making Tony’s chest ache.

 

“I want to be home...with you,” The captain said in a tone laced with vulnerability, Tony felt his stomach twist into a knot. The smaller man remained silent, his jaw clenched tight as he tried to maintain the regularity of his breathing.

 

“I want us to have a home...I want us to have…that,” Steve finished pitifully as he pointed meekly at the painfully pure sight in front of them. The soldier sighed before burying his face in the crook of the other man’s neck. Tony's shoulders sank and bit before he replied.

 

“You can come home anytime you want you know?” Tony said with a calmness that he didn’t feel. “I can still make the accords wo-”

 

“No. No, Tony, I can’t.” Despite his best efforts, anger spread like wildfire in Tony’s chest and he ripped himself out of the comforting embrace.

 

“Why not, Steve? It’s been a year and we’re still stuck in the same goddamn loop! I can’t-” Tony interrupted himself, trying to take a second to unclench his tight jaw and sore hands. “I’m trying, Steve. My best. Why don’t you - do you even see that?” Tony finally said incoherently. The other man was now slumped against a wall staring blindly at the floor.

 

“I know, I...I’m sorry, Tony, I can’t,” Steve said dejectedly before biting his lower lip. The sorry sight made Tony’s heart pump painfully and the smaller man loosened his stance and closed the distance between himself and the captain.

 

“Look...Steve,” Tony said as he tentatively rubbed the other man’s tights.

 

“I’m tired of running around the globe trying to find the most inconspicuous places…” Tony’s hand gestured with disdain at the room surrounding them. “...to meet. And I want to be home as much as you…” Tony eyes traveled back to the kids outside. “I...I want what you want, Steve.” Steve’s eyes suddenly locked onto Tony’s.

 

“Really?...” Steve breathed out as he traced Tony’s knuckles with a soothing finger. The genius smiled lightly. Tony grabbed his lover’s hands and started rubbing small circles onto the big palms.

 

“You need to come home first,” Tony said, unconsciously tracing an invisible “p” with his thumb. “Please. Reconsider the accords,” Tony pressed hopefully. Steve turned his head, gazing into the wall for a moment as he nervously chewed his bottom lip. The blond head finally dipped as the broad shoulder slumped. Tony’s heart was racing and had to fight against his own nerves to prevent his voice from shaking.

 

“Steve?” Letting go of a hand, Tony carefully slid a hand under his lover’s chin and tilted Steve’s face up towards his. Tony’s breath caught in his chest at the sight of those wet blue eyes.

 

“Tony...I’m sorry,” Steve whispered before pausing and resting a heavy hand on the genius’ arm. “...I can’t,” the soldier finally said as tears rolled down freely on his cheeks. Tony pulled back his hands as if the contact burned, turning his back to Steve as he distanced himself.

 

“I…” Steve followed him and tried to pull his lover into an embrace from behind. Rage flared in Tony’s chest and he jerked away nearly elbowing Steve in the chin.

 

“...goddammit, GODDAMMIT STEVE!” Tony yelled uncontrollably. The billionaire leaned once again against the window and tried to calm down. As his eyes focused once again on the children, Tony’s heart sank. He whipped his head back toward Steve who, having not moved from his previous spot, was currently facing away from him.

 

_You fool yourself if you think anyone will stand by you, Stark._

 

_You are not good enough._

 

_You are not worth it._

 

Tony felt insane. There was no way, from day one, that Steve was ever going to meet him halfway. He turned his back on Tony once already and it was now painfully clear that it was doomed to happen again. Heartbreak hit him like a lightning bolt and he wanted to run. He had to run. Consumed by a wild panic, Tony quickly wiggled into his shoes without bothering with his socks while grabbing his briefcase and suit. As he bolted for the door, Steve caught his arm. Tony, who was on the verge of hysteria, had enough adrenaline to break away from the super-soldier’s grip. The genius ran down the narrow staircase like a madman, nearly toppling over a couple of times as he struggled to find a steady footing in his frenzied race. When he finally sped away in his car, one thought was playing on repeat in his head.

 

_You see, he didn’t follow._

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! This story is probably going to be in two parts.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always very appreciated <3
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)
> 
> I'm also on tumblr : [hayluhalo.tumblr.com](hayluhalo.tumblr.com)


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